Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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