They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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