I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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