my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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