I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
