He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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