i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
