I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Randomize
