She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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