My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
