Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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