I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
