Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
