Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
