Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
