Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
