She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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