i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
