What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
