Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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