We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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