morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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