i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
