hell yes lets make some ravioli
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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