Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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