I am in a vortex of obligation.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
