I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
