Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
