does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
