I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He felt like a one man threesome
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
