Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
