Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
