dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
