My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
