Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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