No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
