I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
