Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
