the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
