how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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