420 ftw
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
