that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
