I feel great
I just peed on a car
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
