Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
