I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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