Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
