I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
