yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You took a bar mat shot.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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