We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
