dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
