Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
