I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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