Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
