Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
