you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
