She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
